Recently my girls and I flew home (GA) to visit family. It was their first time flying and it was my first time flying with someone in a long time....usually I fly alone. So when the stewardess did the 'safety' demonstration, it set differently with me. Usually my eyes kinda glaze over and I don't really listen...I've heard it so many times. But this time, I thought about it differently...it wasnt' just 'me' this time.

When she got to the part about the oxygen mask, something struck me differently there as well. I know most of you have flown and heard it many times....she said, "put your own mask on first, before helping someone with theirs". I know I have heard that before, but when I'm sitting there next to my little girls, it became a little more real to me as I briefly imagined really having to do that. If I were really in a crisis like that, would I be able to stop and put mine on first? I know my "mother" instinct would kick in and I would want to make sure they had theirs on....it's the natural way. But in reality, it would probably lead to failure. I would truly need to take care of myself first before I could attend to them.

Now, I'm not saying I am this selfless, righteous person....no way! On a daily basis I am selfish, even with my own family....which is a shame to admit. But when it came to life or death, I think I would be able to, without a second thought, sacrifice for them.
Then why don't I do it as a first thought in the home? Why do I daily put my own needs above the needs of others? Just tonight my son asked if I would come tuck him in...my response, although said lovingly, was, "not tonight, Mommy has a headache". Now it wasn't a life or death situation, but it was something that was still important to him....just not important enough to me. I can be a pretty pathetic parent sometimes!

But aside from that conviction, I realized something else on the plane that day.....about my ministries....that is contrary to what I want to do. I need to make sure that I am "ok" spiritually before I can get out there and help others in that area. And again, not to say that I am a selfless person....I'm not! But when it comes to ministry opportunities, I tend to just jump in and do it, regardless of where I am that day spiritually. I often jump in and try to deal with it in my own strength instead of seeking His.....and that only leads to spiritual and physical fatigue....which is where I am today.
I am extremely proud (another one of my charming characteristics!) and I hate to even write that here (glad I have a small following on this blog!)...but spiritually and physically exhausted is where I am right now. And I've decided I dont' like it! I'm wasting so much energy daily trying to get myself going and motivated and in a forward motion, that I think I am failing others because of it. I have a feeling that is why several areas of my life are starting to show the stress and strain that comes as a result of that fatigue.
Although in many ways things seem to be thriving (my Bible studies, my one-on-one times with ladies, my own expansion of knowledge of the Word, etc)....I feel myself slowly sinking. I have GOT to put my own oxygen mask on first before I can truly deal with the needs of others. How wise that little stewardess is!

So I am going to take some time for myself. And although I can't physically leave here and go be by myself somewhere and deal with it, I am going to try and take some 'small' breaks and get some things dealt with. I think then, I will be better equipped to help others with their masks.

Lots to be thankful for and lots of things have made me smile.....

....a relaxing day at the horses
.....meeting new people
.....the view from the TOP of the barn
....a good ministry at Ft Wingate
....hearing the rain on the roof
.....good songs on the radio
.....tucking my kids into bed
.....the way they smell after a bath
.....getting a package in the mail
.....the feeling of brand new socks on my feet
.....pancakes and bacon for breakfast
......a helpful husband
.....good discussion on the Bible
.....many quiet moments lately
.....catching lizards and toads with my kids
.....helping build "homes" for the lizards and toads
.....chatting with the bff
....wearing a warm hoodie
.....feeding my horses
.....a nice long run
.....studying the Word....1 Peter, Jude, Revelation, Psalms
....the opportunity to pray
.....future plans

The word I have been focusing on the past couple of weeks is "productive". I have really been striving to be productive each day....get things done, mark things off my 'to do' list. It has become my goal each day. But yesterday was different. I pretty much wasted my day yesterday.....or so I thought.
I woke up (again) with a backache. I could hardly roll out of bed. So, my sweet husband said he would do my "duties" for the day (take the girls to piano lessons, take the kids to the library for their homeschool class, and run errands). I was to stay home and rest. I was in so much pain, I just agreed to it. But after being home for about an hour by myself, I realized that I was not very good at just sitting and resting. I watched a little tv, read, even played on the computer (yes, Vicki, you busted me playing pathwords!)....but eventually, I grew restless. Even though I had plenty I could do at home, I decided to go outside. I took a nice long walk (I was heavily medicated with ipubrofen!) and ended up at the horses. My neighbors (the director and his wife) were out there saddling up the horses. They had some friends coming out (one of them did not know the Lord) to go horseback riding. I helped (but did not lift a saddle....only fetched and groomed the horses) for a while, then did some mild cleaning while they went out for their ride......what a peaceful hour....just me, and the horses, and a the dogs. I can't believe how much thinking I got done with just a few minutes of peace and quiet! It was amazing! I was able to just talk to the Lord and then actually LISTEN and HEAR what He had to say. There were no distractions to cloud out His voice. I feel a little more directed now. So, in that way, it was a very productive day.
I ended up staying at the barn for a couple more hours after that...helping put the horses away, talking to my neighbors and their friends, building relationships, laughing lots. It was a good day. A very productive day. :)

Fall Ministries, up and running

Well, after a couple weeks of 'downtime', we are back in full swing. Fall ministries are up and running again....Bible studies, AWANA, Zuni youth group, Ft Wingate, etc. I love this time of year! I love the summer, too, with the hectic schedule of camp....but I also love the fall 'busyness' too. It's so good to see all the sweet girls at Ft Wingate (176 to be exact!).....it's good to see my kids re-unite with their AWANA friends.....I love hearing my husband tell stories of his Zuni kids (2 accepted Christ last week!).....and I love, love, love to dive back into studying the Scriptures. I know I have probably over-extended myself with how many Bible studies I am teaching/attending, but I just love it. I love to learn! And I especially love to learn about my God and Savior! But I was reminded of something tonight....that although I learn so much through actually studying, word for word, the Bible....I learn just as much, if not more by walking daily with Christ. I can read the promises of God over and over again....but when I experience them, they become more real to me than ever. I can study all the different types of 'love' described in the Bible, but it's only when I feel His love firsthand that I really start to wrap my mind around it. I learn more about forgiveness when I have to extend it....I learn more about comfort when I am the one being comforted.....I understand my Creator when I stop and really take appreciate creation.
Like I said, I love to study and learn about God.....but more than that, I love my daily walk and journey with my God.

Lord, thank you for never leaving or forsaking me.....for your mercies that are new every morning....for your patience and forebearance....for allowing me to see glimpses of You in the midst of both pain and joy. Help me never take these things for granted.

A good, slightly productive week so far

Well, I managed to get some stuff done this weekend....even though I told myself I wasn't going to do anything! I just couldn't help myself!
But now we are back to "normal"....hubby is back from his trip, we are doing school full force now, piano lessons have started, library time is on the schedule again, the MANY Bible studies will begin in the next week or so, AWANA is on the horizon, Ft Wingate starts tonight, and on and on the list goes. The time of productivity is upon me again....no more "taking days off" or catching up on rest. It's fall and that means busy!!

But I wanted to take the time to still find things that make me smile......
.....a fun game time with the family last night
.....tucking my kids into bed
.....waking them up in the morning (they are all cuddly and warm)
.....a few minutes of quiet this morning
.....listening to the twins singing while they do their chores
.....my hubby making pancakes this morning
.....the taste of sweet grapes
.....a shower with good water pressure (finally!!)
.....a song in my heart

Thankful list

Last year I started a "1000 things to be thankful for" list. I think I made it into the 700's....and then I kinda lost track (story of my life....I'm good at starting, terrible at finishing!). Really, I haven't blogged anything in quite some time. The summers are so busy for me and I am just now getting to the point where I feel rested and ready to get back into "life" again.
So, I thought I would start blogging again AND do a 'thankful' list....but with less pressure and no commitment to reach a certain number. I am going to write down the things I am thankful for, along with just things that make me smile.....it's good for me to put them on "pen and paper", and I've enjoyed going back and reading my past lists....does a heart good!

....a quiet walk this morning
...Hezzie, the neighbor's dog that faithfully follows me to the horses every morning
...the smell of hay
....the way my horse looks clean and white in the sunlight (from a distance!)
...crunching pinecones
....a quick chat with a neighbor, and the promise of a racquetball game soon
...seeing new growth on my bushes
...the 2 roly poly puppies from next door that kept me company while I watered plants
....prayer time in my backyard
....the "ultimate bagel", that reminds me of my sweet California friend
....Saturday morning cartoons
....an unexpected trip to the Zuni reservation to watch a parade
...a Savior who gives me these things, even when I don't deserve them

MORE..
....visiting with one of our dearest Navajo families
....an afternoon nap
....watching my husband's excitement about going to a Bears game with a friend
....quietly being productive
....seeing a sweet Navajo friend...haven't seen her since camp....plans to study the Bible together this fall
....standing in a light, misty rain
....a quiet house (for the moment)
....scrabble (welcome, Vicki!)
....freshly washed bathroom rugs (I like clean things!)
...having no plans ;)

Over half way through....

Well, so much for keeping this blog updated! I have many things I have wanted to write here, but both lack of time and energy have kept me away. Things will happen and I will think, 'I should blog that!"...but then I come home and the thoughts get scrambled and my focus moves to "get sleep!". But today I decided to no longer let the lack of sleep rule me...ha! And it's funny, because yesterday, I hit the wall.....where I physically felt like I couldn't take another step or speak another word. I even came home and slept during dinner and the evening game.....I was exhausted! And although today I am up and about, I really am just going through the motions....not really feeling much today. So, it's funny that I'm choosing to blog NOW! And although I have "deeper" stuff I would like to share here, today will be simple......

Earlier today, I had just dismissed the campers to their morning activity classes (which is usually described as controlled chaos). It had already been a long morning.....not much sleep, a situation at breakfast that almost caused me to lose my cool, complaining staff, a disappointing 'spouse' moment, and far away family issues that kept me on the verge of tears.....I was ready for a nap by 9:30!! So, as the campers disappeared to head out to their classes, there was one lone little boy left standing in the A-frame.....sweet little Caleb Butler....the youngest son of my dear friends Dino and Nanette. He is all of 3 years old and not even as high as my waist......and oh, so very cute! His parents had been looking for him but he was hidden among the the 170+ campers, and it was only after the left the A-frame, that he was even visible. Dino was, of course, glad to have found him, but was in the dilemma of how to get him home to the babysitter.....he needed to get to a meeting and Nanette was already in a meeting of her own. So, in part to avoid having to deal with people, I volunteered to walk him home.
My job requires that I am constantly on the move....I am always walking quickly, or even running, from one place to the other......mostly because I am often called to be in two places at once. I rush from place to place, often getting delayed because people need something or have an issue that needs to be dealt with. I barely start a thought in my head before it's interrupted (and lost!). My world is always loud........ campers are always yelling my name, often kids are mooching piggy back rides off me......I often have a microphone in my hand, and even my keyboard playing in the worship band is loud. So I guess that is why this particular walk across the camp stuck out to me. It was strikingly quiet. It was just me and Caleb. Me and this tiny little chatter box, who didn't even come up to my waist. It has been a LONG time since I had walked that slow.....a long time that I didn't have to "fix" something.....a long time since I talked about something as 'unimportant' as the sticks we were each carrying and the legos waiting for him at home. That was the depth of our conversation, but it was by far the most precious chat I have had in a long time. It took almost 15 minutes to walk a few hundred yards to his tiny house.....but I needed that 15 minutes more than anything else today. I needed to slow down, focus on the simple things, and just enjoy the walk.
As I dropped him off at his house where the babysitter was anxiously waiting for him, I was quickly forgotten as he settled down on the floor with his brother and became engrossed in a cartoon on tv. But as for me, I will not forget our sweet few minutes together.....it will remind me to slow down, don't hurry past all that God is doing around me....the summer goes by so quickly, although at times it seems like it will never end.
So, thank you Caleb, for allowing me to walk you home......and thank you Lord, for walking with us, too.